How Can a Daily Gratitude Practice Enhance Wellness During the Holidays?
A Q&A with poet and author Deanna Repose Oaks
The holiday season often brings a mix of emotions—joy, connection, and celebration, but also stress, grief, and loneliness for many. In the face of these challenges, the practice of gratitude can feel more like a daunting task than a source of solace. However, finding ways to nurture gratitude, even during tough times, can offer profound benefits for mental well-being. In this Q&A, we sit down with Deanna Repose Oaks, a poet and advocate for mental health, to explore how tools like journaling and creative writing can help us cultivate gratitude, especially when it doesn’t come easily. Through her insights and personal experience, she offers practical ways to embrace gratitude as a meaningful practice this season. Included is also a poem from her latest collection, Don’t Go; Stay.
1. The harvest season often symbolizes abundance and gratitude. How do you personally connect with this time of year, and how does it inspire your writing?
“In all honesty, connecting with this time of year takes a monumental effort. At times, my life has left me bereft, penniless, and with feelings of hopelessness. To overcome those feelings and live in gratitude just because of the time of year adds extra pressure. While pressure creates diamonds, it can also make it hard to breathe. Writing is my oxygen tank, the tool I use to breathe deep in order to withstand life’s pressures on a daily basis. With the added pressure of the season, my writing is usually hindered because I’m always trying to be “extra grateful” to reflect on the season. The season is generally too overwhelming so I take a step back from writing to just BE as well as I can be.”
2. Many people find journaling helpful for cultivating gratitude. What tips or prompts would you recommend for someone just starting to explore journaling?
“My recommendation is to focus on positivity and write any way your positivity shines through. Sure, journal about the worst day of your life, but look for what you learned from that day, or an obstacle you overcame, or that one bright light — even if the ONLY positive thing you can come up with is that you wrote everything that happened on the worst day. Leaving a journal entry in positivity helped my brain crave positivity, so I keep looking for it. If you have trouble getting there, think of 3 bad things and 3 good things that happened that day and write them out. Always write the good things last. I find focusing on 3 things always opens up my mind and ending on the good leaves me looking for good the next day. Write entries like a grocery list, a diary, or a novel — whatever fits your mood on the day of writing. Format, grammar, spelling, consistency, and all the rules for proper writing DO NOT APPLY. The only thing that matters is the entry itself and your feelings once it is complete. (Hopefully, a sense of accomplishment will be at the top!)”
3. You’ve written many books with poems on various mental health topics. How has the practice of gratitude influenced your mental health, and how do you incorporate it into your creative work?
“I never thought of a practice of gratitude until I read these questions. I actually had to Google gratitude vs gratefulness to figure out my responses! I purposefully infuse hope into my work (to create hopefulness in myself), to leave on a positive note (so I crave positivity), especially when working through my poems/books depicting depression. The subject is too heavy without a corresponding bit of light. As a result, my gratitude for hope is easily found in everything I write, which never crossed my mind until I was asked these questions. My mental health clings to hope, time and again, to keep me from the edge of a cliff. I am eternally grateful to hope, and my ongoing gratitude can be seen in my writing, even though I don’t purposefully incorporate it there.”
4. Poetry can be a powerful outlet for processing emotions. How can people use poetry or creative writing to deepen their sense of gratitude and overall wellness?
“Poetry and creative writing can be used to deepen an overall sense of wellness because it allows writers freedom to express emotions otherwise “unacceptable” – a poem or a character can EXPLODE in anger but a person doing the same is “out of line”, unless they are telling a story about a character with that behavior (acting, singing, spoken word, etc.). Poetic or creative writing can explore the reasons behind the feelings portrayed to release a newfound sense of self, which would then deepen a sense of gratitude to writers for being themselves. I infuse myself in everything I write, so looking at what is written reveals new inner truths to me every day.”
5. As the year winds down, many people take time to reflect on the past year. This season can also be difficult for many people. What are your thoughts on using gratitude to frame this reflection, and do you have a favorite practice or ritual for closing out the year? From your experience, do you have any wellness tools that help during hard times?
“I first want to thank you for these questions. I never really thought about using gratitude to frame my end of the year… which from Halloween on is usually my most dreadful time of year. Using gratitude may be like using positivity …I’m going to try to approach things with gratitude this year. In the past, I was so focused on “keeping up appearances” and masking my depression that I didn’t have the time or willpower to do anything else but those two things to just survive the season. My traumas and depression make it hard for me to connect to people, and connecting while trying to be cheerful when I am a mess inside took everything out of me. Although I do watch a lot of Hallmark movies for the happy endings and sing Christmas songs to brighten me up – it may be false cheer, but faking it until I’m making it has been working so far. My ritual for closing out the year is to resolve not to make any resolutions with a promise to live one day at a time. As for wellness tools, I usually need more therapy during this time of year… and now there is 988 Lifeline where anyone in need of anything relating to mental health can call. Caring counselors are available 24/7 for callers in the US via text, chat, or phone. See https://988lifeline.org/ for details.”
HOLIDAZE
excerpted from “Don’t Go ; Stay” by Deanna Repose Oaks
There are no words to explain
The way dates on the calendar feel
Watching them come and go
Dreading the ones that appeal
The days marked special
When printed on the press
Seem so cheerful to others
To me, they depress
I won’t want to celebrate the year just past
Because it was harrowing, I didn’t think I’d last
The hearts and flowers of St. Valentine
Break my heart a little more each time
St. Paddy’s Day, full of song, parades, and cheer
Reminds me of that wasted time of beer
Easter and its gathering for rebirth
Sucks away all of my mirth
Memorial Day, celebrating the dead
Just reminds me of the life I dread
Flag Day is somehow always forgotten
Celebrating a flag, falling apart, rotten
Fourth of July with all of its explosions
Does its best to blow up my emotions
Then Labor Day comes around
Reminds me about working to the ground
Halloween with its frights and spooks
Is the only day, I wish it was a fluke
Because it is the day I can be someone else
Instead of me, where darkness dwells
Then the day when we give thanks
Gratefulness is hard when my emotion tanks
Hardest of all is what December brings
Everyone full of cheer, waiting for new year rings
I’d rather just curl up in a ball
Then face the calendar on the wall
Somehow, though, when last year was through
I felt something different, something new
I may not be ready for the holidays
But, I might see how they might find their ways
Into my emotions, shaded so blue
So I can experience them as I hope to
(C) August 2024 Deanna Repose Oaks
Thank you Deanna for your impactful words! Learn more about this author here. To find more resources on mental health, check out our MYM Resources webpage here.
